Paddles and Hobos and Chocolate, oh my!

Blah, Blogger was being a tard yesterday, and wouldn't let me sign in >.o
But now that it's working, I rejoice!

Anyway, yesterday Chloe, Sable and I went out to the mall, our main objective: to acquire wooden paddles with which we could smack each other around with (because we are strange and the thought of violence amuses us). So we were merrily wandering through the mall, acting juvenile, when Chloe spots Ruth, a friend of her and her sister, working at this jewellery stand. We stop and talk with her, and we pretend to be retards for a bit (er, don't ask), and talk about some of the weird stuff that Chloe's sister Ivy says when she sleep talks.

Ruth had to get back to work, so the three of us went to Michael’s (it's like Wal-Mart, but for art supplies), where we ran around for a half hour with paddles while wearing masks and giggling like maniacs. Seriously, we were downright psychotic. Why they didn't kick us out, I'll never know.

Anyway, we headed back to the mall in order to get food, when we bumped into Ruth again, who had just gotten off from work, and was stuck at the mall till her mom came to pick her up. Now, on this particular day, the mall was absolutely full of parents and their small children. And I don't mean quiet, well-behaved children, oh no. Instead there were no less than at least thirty of these screaming little bastards.

I don't like kids. Well, I don't like people in general, but kids engender this special kind of hate in me. I'm fine with children, if they're well behaved, but parents these days seem to just let their spawn run wild. No manners, no discipline, just squalling, oozing bags of snot and poop and humanity, and they disgust me. If there's anything wrong in this world, it's that people don't train their children anymore. But I'm digressing, so back to the story...

So, the mall was full of screaming, ill behaved children, and it was very vexing. There we were, trying to eat, and on all sides of us we were surrounded by the little shits. Like me, it turned out that none of my three companions like children either (point in fact, when Chloe and I were sitting on a bench outside of a photo shop, waiting for Sable to pick up her pictures, this couple and their little kid walk past us. As the three go past, the little kid sort of screams "HI!" at us, and then, making a sort of clawing gesture and snarling, Chloe replies, in a sing-song voice, "Die!").

We were talking about all the horrible things we had seen children doing, and then we started coming up with ways of how to get rid of all the little bastards. Chloe wanted to have them put down like rabid animals, while Sable wanted to punt them into the ocean, and whoever got back to land would get to live. I was on similar lines, but I wanted to drop them into a forest so that they could be eaten by all the hungry animals, but Chloe was against that because she didn't want the animals to get diseased by eating the disgusting offspring of humans (as she likes animals better than people). That's when Ruth comes up with the idea of feeding the children to hobos.

And that is the perfect solution! With one swoop we could feed the needy and get rid of all the little shits! We then decided that we could keep all the hobos on an island (Hobo Island, what else), and any ill-behaving children would be sent there. The children themselves would provide all the nourishment that the hobos would need, and they could make their homes and clothing out of the bones and skin of their food. I won't go into it all, because most of it was actually pretty gross, and the rest I forget because we were laughing so damn hard that I think I momentarily passed out at one point due to lack of oxygen. And the best part about it was all the dirty looks the parents of those squalling little bastards were giving us.

"Yeah, that's right!" we were all but saying, "We're directly attacking your parenting skills! No, your child is not a precocious little scamp! It's a wretched, screaming terror that you didn't train properly, and it's going to become a whore/thief/murderer/rapist/politician when it grows up, AND IT'S ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT!!!"

It was equally gratifying when they all got up and left in an undeservedly righteous huff, because they took their little bastards with them. And the silence that followed was even sweeter.

We spent the remainder of out time wandering around and looking at pretty things (like jewellery and swords), laughingly remarking to ourselves, whenever a child would pass, "Look out little Billy, or the hobo will eat you!" and generally behaving as most normal twenty something’s wouldn't. And that rocked.

It was close to the time when Ruth's mom was arriving when Sable asked to go to Wal-Mart. She had a just about used up gift card from christmas, and she wanted some sweet, sweet easter chocolate. And who were we, all of us female, to deny he this indulgence? So off we went with the intent of purchasing some chocolaty goodness.

As I said, it's close to easter, so there was more than enough chocolate to go around. Chloe and I got some big ass bags of easter eggs, while Sable got a box of Pot of Gold. Ruth was going to pick up a couple bags of Hershey Kisses, but she wanted to see how much they were, so she ran one under one of those scanner things that seem to be popping up in stores more and more lately. Anyway, instead of the 68 cents they were advertised at, it turned out the chocolate was actually 10 cents a bag. So Ruth decided to buy all of them. And she did too. Every bag of Kisses that were in that store, she bought, and that ended up being about ten pounds of candy for about five bucks! And, of course, this made the lot of us very giggly (not that we weren't anyway), especially when Ruth started stopping random people to tell them that she had bought ten pounds of chocolate XD

So, yes, that was my eventful Wednesday. Aside from learning that omg George Takei totally wins at everything, today was relatively quiet X3