Um...

"My bum just made the cutest little noise ever!"

I turned to stare in confusion at my brother, who had only moments before vacated the bathroom. He grinned at my perplexed expression, elaborating further.
"I was sitting there, then all of a sudden my bottom said, 'pewp' and plop!" he said, making a dropping motion with one finger to illustrate the path his poop took. "Isn't that a cute noise?"
I blinked twice, then nodded slightly.
"Has your bum ever made a cute noise?"
I merely shook my head.
"Well, my butt talks to me," he went on, "Sometimes it sounds like it's having entire conversations!"
I just stare.
He grinned wider at that, before saying, "I think I'll go then, as I've scared you enough for the time being!"
Thus he left, and I decided to share the mental scaring with you.
Aren't I sweet?